Detective Benoit Blanc uncovers a cunning plot to get away with murder: Giving your publicist a heart attack by telling them you're off to be interviewed by Ziwe right after your sit down with Isaac Chotiner.

You're all crazy. Mr. President, as a lib, I beg you. we cannot get more owned. Please do not constantly put her on television as the face of you, your party and your agenda, sir. You're already going to win the midterms bigly sir, have mercy on us libs, spare us this titan of oratory.

"Too corrupt for the Trump Administration" is a hell of a resume line.

Stranger Things, Matt Mercer and Brennan Lee Mulligan standing before the tide of inevitability and declaring "You shall not pass."

Yes, and I have two terrabytes of porn featuring a woman playing it stored on this very affordable Russian dat.. OH NO!

I think people conflated two things and were massive dicks about it. 1. These strikes hurt Russian bot activity (they did). 2. The charts soms people were posting where a line just plummets to zero were misleading (they were).

The Terminator franchise, but everything turns out fine because the CEO responsible for selling Skynet to a sceptical public is the least naturally charismatic person on earth.

(Not) my man...

Being a virgin MP is nothing to brag about either.

BREAKING: Following initial success destroying Yandex Data Centers, Zelenskyy pledges to escalate his battle against online Russian propoganda by individually sitting down for a cup of tea and honest chat with the mothers of every single person still on Twitter.

Games Workshop Writers: "We are going to use every opportunity to stress this would be horrific, stagnant and awful. I fear it will be too on the nose." Far Right Chuds: "Space marines looking fucking sick. Hell yeah! Let's build Hive Cities! FOR THE EMPEROR!"

Deloitte's legal team works fast, but Bluesky reply scolds work faster!

(Note: This is a joke, Bluesky. I do not require an explanation as to why this is good reporting and bad for Deloitte and Abramovich.)

Deloitte: "Oh no! Please don't tell oligarchs we can hide billions in taxable revenues for over 25 years! I beg you not to report that HMRC was completely oblivious. Nooooo, what if potential clients think we'd be open to doing that for them too, prices negotiable, call today or check our website?"

I think it would be if literally anyone in the UK had any money left to pay us. Sam going door to door in the City bartering trade insights for eggs.

If they didn't burn you at the stake already for that beard, you're probably fine for a few trade hot takes.

I don't understand, do you not want a yacht?

I would describe the central thesis of the anti-anti-Trumpers is that while the Orange Man is Bad, the most pressing issue in society is that sometimes people aren't entirely fair in their critiques or descriptions of him.

I'll stop making her into Elon when she learns to pronounce "bagel!"