DaVinci code shit. I have figured out the App Store, Google, Settings, the camera and photos; I don’t know what any of the rest of that is

I gave figured out the App Store, photos, the camera, Google and settings. I have no idea what the rest of this shit could be.

Every time I start to not feel 54 thousand years old, I spend some time with a Cool Teen to keep me humble.

I asked for my niece’s phone to connect her to my Wi-Fi and I think I had a stroke.

sunrises even worse for this. My body is as much a part of the beating heart of this waking world as the water and the trees are; I will hang a lanyard on it and log into Salesforce about it

when I was taking undergrad classes in 2015-2016 I angry/laughing observed that I truly didn’t know what the world was coming to if college kids didnt hate cops anymore and the professor was kind of shocked? I’d love to a temp check on everybody now

My marching band did “The Firebird” and I faked half of it easily

not ideal

why is every UGA football game a fucking ordeal; imagine if I cared about them

[posts my lizard trapeze] I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in anybody

These turkeys know what’s up

if you don’t keep up with the youth i want you to know they’ve renamed “tramp stamps” to “cake toppers” which feels like the first advancement for feminism in a long time

NOT THAT I WENT HOME WITH HIM but you know life is long (for me, if not him, lmao) I ain’t ruling it out

…or do I and he isn’t

Gonna set him up with DSW, they can text each other. How you feeling?

every single sci-fi movie, for some reason:

I should set him up with DSW.

Duck clue on Jeopardy! hell yeah

Jon Ossoff is obsessed with me

thieves of beeves imo