Donald Trump presents Elon Musk with the highly coveted 'Ket-Addled Nazi Dipshit Of The Year' award.

Please ignore the fact that small boat crossings are down 44%, deportations are at their highest level in ten years and immigration is 82% lower.

Zia is right - Robert Jenrick should never again be allowed anywhere near power.

Latest approval ratings for party leaders. I thought populists were meant to be popular..?

The person responsible for carrying out the totally independent investigation into Reform and clearing the party of all wrongdoing has been identified.

On the anniversary of the Hamas attack, I will mostly be forgetting that my former schoolmates said I marched through a village shouting Hitler Youth songs, hung around outside Jewish prayers to abuse Jewish boys by making hissing noises and singing “gas ‘em all”.

Like I said, Andrew Tate is "an important voice for young men". Oh, and a pedo nonce.

Suspended sentence for man found to have a collection of more than 114,000 indecent images of children. Tommy Robinson and co are going to be all over this. They'll be SO angry... Just you wait... Any second now... ...

I love talking our country down While offering no solutions Because I’m a grifting gobshite Who likes to incite unrest Small boat crossings are down 44% Deportations are the highest in 10 years Immigration is 82% lower But who needs facts When you can make up lies

Reform Councillor and group leader Ryan Coogan has been arrested for making false statements on nomination papers. It’s a mystery why a party whose leadership are under investigation by the police, NCA and Parliamentary Commissioner seems to attract so many dodgy characters...

For a long time I have heard rumours that you strangle kittens for fun and worship Satan. I have never believed it and still don’t. Am I doing this right?

Full marks to Bobby J for not bothering to mention that this was entirely due to being given £45 million from the Labour government and told to do it. Even a Reform council couldn't fuck that up.

After a robust internal investigation we have found that the rules don't apply to us.

"Dear Diary, There were six by-elections in England and Scotland this week and Reform lost all of them. Two of them were seats we previously held. The problem with running councils is that people can see how useless we are."

I'm furious about the two Iranians who came across as part of the surge in small boats created by my Brexit and under a Home Office run by my MPs Suella Braverman and Robert Jenrick.

Congratulations to Suella Braverman for her Question Time appearance - I didn't think it was possible for her to come across as any more deranged and stupid than usual, but she somehow managed it.