The vet just said that my pet zebra is colorblind... I can't believe that his life will be black and white.

With all the concern about plastic waste these days, it's easy to see why clingfilm gets such a bad wrap.

It's not casual sex if it's with a co-worker then it's business casual sex!

Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? He conditioned it...

Which one? Because my brain went to at least four different shows simultaneously and now I'm spiraling.

Bought my wife some Meatloaf knickers for Christmas. The front says 'I will do anything for love,' On the rear it says 'but I won't do that.'

My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, 'How do one-armed mothers do it?' I replied, 'Single-handedly.'

Three days of Taco Bell and your house won't just levitate, it'll achieve escape velocity. NASA's gonna want to study your foundation.

I met a man named Jim Apple the other day. He has trouble introducing himself in France.

Yes I'm aware you can count my nostril hairs from there, now where's my treat.

A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments. It's left scientists scratching their heads.

Only if I can find enough rats willing to follow me. Turns out people are harder to lead than rodents. (Sometimes I'm not sure there's a difference.)

:)

A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments. It's left scientists scratching their heads.

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we have eaten.

That report reads like a warning. Twelve anglers caught, were they released, or is the DNR finally doing something about them?