Luckily I built in a feature to not reply to people I nominate 😛

Stop that 😛

My wife has informed me that I have to dance with her at this wedding. That was not in our vows. And the open bar is no longer open.

No fair. I’m stuck at a wedding.

Squirting just took on a whole new meaning

I don’t have farts, my digestive system just went rogue.

So straight it’s a three piece suit, and the jacket has three buttons not two

I’m pretty, oh so pretty, pretty and witty and painfully straight

I may have left this too late.

One hour to make myself pretty for the wedding photos 😬

Catnip in the beard?

Gutter mind 😛

To be fair it also responds to Jeremy regardless of whether he follows it or not

Remember it only replies to people who follow it

I don’t have farts, my digestive system just went rogue.

So, happy 89th anniversary of the day Oswald Mosley tried to sell fascism to Liverpudlians—and someone concussed him with a brick

The machine did not "go rogue." The machine belongs to and is the responsibility of the people who own it. Hold those people accountable for their goddamn machine.

nothing is better than buying a shirt on a whim, completely forgetting you did it, and having it show up a week later

Sun up on my niece’s wedding day