I think the phrase goes "More Human than Human"

You are the Apple of my i

"flare-up in aisle 4"

Thank god he didn't wear a tan suit

PSA: there's no need to rewatch the movie '2012' just because it has the awesome line "The neutrinos have mutated"

"... and this just in: He is now the new secretary of transportation"

Buying this will put you on the good FBI list

I used to think they were wigs for your ears. Thankfully I'm now old enough to have natural hair growing in my ears...

"I'm not angry"

Is there data on the overlap between anti-abortion and pro-death penalty?

There should be a gofundme to fill their town with these

dum

Did they tell you to get your ducks in a row?

I've heard people talking about the 'r-word' but was too afraid to Google. Thank you for your bravery!

You don't know Jack, Mr Schmitt-for-brains

Eat my speed-hole shorts

No hats though... Probably wandered-off tourists