I loved him in Goldfinger. That hat is deadly! 😬

Nothing hits quite like changing from my daytime sweats and hoodie to my evening sweats and hoodie.

can it just be over now? [motioning to everything]

That's how he matches his Garanimals tops with his Garanimals bottoms. giraffe 🦒 🦁

I fractured two rips laughing when you called yourself a microblogger.

Two of my favorite funny men in the same spot! Not many people know that Josh played 9 years in the NFL, 2 rings. 🏈👍👍

Postulating is okay. Pustulating is nasty.

Tommy just asked me to declare that Ross and Rachel WERE on a break.

Jerry Lee Lewis was prone to exaggeration. There was only a modicum of shaking going on.

I ran the numbers, and it turns out that your milkshake brings approximately 73.24% of the boys to the yard. Still, a significant percentage. 

We are being held hostage by an insane psychopath and his sycophants; forced to watch, while they kill thousands, hook up with enemies, destroy nations. And the cowards-republicans- sit by and allow it. I thought we had guardrails. This democracy ain’t working.

Got stopped in the name of love earlier and now I've got that song stuck in my head.

I still feel that Dems are depending way too much on "things are so bad for the GOP right now, let's just sit back and watch them self-destruct" before the midterms. I know it is not in their nature, but they were supposed to go for the jugular and grind the GP into dust while they had the chance.

Tommy: do you reject the brotherhood of mutants? Toad: *uses super adhesive saliva to hurl Tommy across the room* Jan Crawford: I SAW HESITATION

CNN’s Christiane Amanpour is leaving the network after 43 years. Now, certainly, after four decades and at age 68 a person has a right to retire. Yet, you'll never convince me that she didn't look at her bank account and say I have enough money and I'm not working for these Skydance assholes.

Florida Driver: I may have hit a deer. Officer: Can you describe the deer? Driver: He was standing in the middle of the road wearing Levi's and a white t-shirt and waving his arms for me to stop.

Kids nowadays don't realize that before the Foo Fighters Foo ran rampant in the streets.

Florida's number one pastime used to be fishing. Now it's hit and run car accidents.

My dentist told me I needed root canal. I told him I wanted a second opinion. He said your breath is atrocious.