I had a conversation where we expressed our differences calmly and we came to a mutual understanding it was wild and I liked it

“And when you turn the left tap?” “Kittens.” “I’ll take it.”

If you don't want me stripping naked in the cereal aisle then maybe you shouldn't be playing Barry White so loud.

Nothing screams self confidence more than your man parts hanging out of your shorts.

Don't look up during a rainstrom, because you might fucking drown.

October Shark Week 2026 Day 1 Hour 6 Why isn’t the ibuprofen working? What the fuck are you smiling at? I want to watch the world burn. I want to make s’mores over your smiling embers.

Forgot to set my alarm before bed, apparently, and slept right until ten minutes before my first meeting. HOLD ON I NEED COFFEE

I need a lucky break and at this point it could even be my leg

I see you there, looking like a blooming onion. Heaven is missing an angel tonight, girl. A biblically accurate angel.

Oh THAT’S why nana left the plastic on her sofa…

I am positively thrilled that interest was expressed at my interest. It's now time to spew my consciousness into another until they get sick of my meandering lectures and decide on another hobby

Ethically sourced internet.

The personal in passing.

Dirty old djinn, all booming commandments and glass chin.

Wrong mythos just outside the window, Rod Serling smoking on your stoop.

“Yes, I’m the saxophone no one asked for— who’s asking?”

yo, my glamorous teeth are up here