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@theonion.com PinnedThe new revolution in democracy has arrived. Play The Onion Voting Simulator 3D
Now available here: theonion.com/voting-simul...
@theonion.comSmiling, Unblinking Tom Cruise Just Wants To Know Why Nation Didn’t See ‘Digger’
@theonion.comTrump Drops Bombshell Evidence Biden Actively Campaigned Against Him
@theonion.comMeth Lab Straightened Up Ahead Of Landlord’s Visit https://theonion.com/meth-lab-straightened-up-ahead-of-landlords-visit/
@theonion.comMarathoner Already Pissing Self Half-Mile In
@theonion.comForward-Thinking CEO Hoping Company Can Capture New Audience By Making Product Worse In Every Conceivable Way https://theonion.com/forward-thinking-ceo-hoping-company-can-capture-new-aud-1846058985/
@theonion.com‘Ted Lasso’ Fans Told That Show Going ‘Bye-Bye’ For A Bit
@theonion.comDNC Releases Preemptive Autopsy Into Why They Lost Midterms
@theonion.comCold, Distant Boyfriend Finally Opens Up About How Horny He Is https://theonion.com/cold-distant-boyfriend-finally-opens-up-about-how-horn-1844575435/
@theonion.com“No one should be surprised that all the scrutiny from the mainstream press is focused squarely on the spotted hyena with its jaws dug into the right buttock of the president and not on our historically prosperous economy.” — Beni Rae Harmony, assistant press secretary
@theonion.comPentagon To Livestream Firing Squad Execution https://theonion.com/pentagon-to-livestream-firing-squad-execution/
@theonion.com“His name was Alexander, never Alex, and his hair and his suit were always immaculate.” — Agatha Fuller, local grandma
@theonion.comConsume until the throbbing subsides. https://store.theonion.com/products/americas-finest-hoodie?variant=42081379582021
@theonion.comWhat To Know About ‘The Social Reckoning’ https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-the-social-reckoning/
@kartoonistkelly.bsky.socialReposted by @theonion.comIt’s that time of year again, when we see who the REAL ALPHAS are …
@theonion.comWhite House Downplays Hyena Biting Down On Trump’s Ass https://theonion.com/white-house-downplays-hyena-biting-down-on-trumps-ass/
@theonion.comElderly Man Looks Even Sadder When Smiling
@theonion.comDNA Provides More Evidence Thomas Jefferson Fathered Children With Sally Hemings https://theonion.com/dna-provides-more-evidence-thomas-jefferson-fathered-children-with-sally-hemings/
@theonion.comWorld’s Largest Dinosaur Shoe Print Discovered In Australia https://theonion.com/world-s-largest-dinosaur-shoe-print-discovered-in-austr-1847771388/
@theonion.comGrandma Fondly Recalls Once Working With Homosexual https://theonion.com/grandma-fondly-recalls-once-working-with-homosexual/
@theonion.comChump To Receive No Compensation For Rescuing Children From Fire
