@mls0308.bsky.socialAfter growing up in an abusive home & fearing everyone, I often dove head first into relationships. They seemed so much better. That quick dive didn't allow me to discern if it was right for me (usually not).
Now I have a small circle, but it fits nicely.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialIt took me years to set boundaries, and then more years to hold them in place. I didn't have a realization that I had a right to say no to anything or anyone.
Today I know my space is mine and I get to decide who I let in. It feels great.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialIt felt dramatic the first time I said I felt I didn't have the right to breathe the same air as others but it was my truth.
Abused children learn they have one job: do everything the abusers want or demand. There's no room for self. Healing brings that.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialFor many survivors, a person's behavior patterns speak much louder than their words. My lived experience means I have trouble taking people at their word until I see that their actions match them.
Words are empty until they are backed up by their conduct.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialIf there is one thing I would stress above all others, and often:
Listen to your gut feelings.
We know when something's not right internally before we know intellectually, and this is especially true if we've been abused.
Your instincts are your guide.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialWhen I finally spoke about what I'd been through growing up, one relative didn't dispute any of my memories. Rather, she started writing me letters giving me reasons why the abusers did what they did.
Her attempts at explaining away abuse cut like a knife.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialWhen abuse has been the norm, you don't tend to see the enormity of what you've been through & what needs healing. Survivors tend to minimize what they've experienced & wonder why the healing process is so long and painful.
Healing brings peace and light. ✨
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@mls0308.bsky.socialI'm too soft, too quick to forgive, & even after decades of healing work I still get hurt because I offered the benefit of the doubt to someone.
I'm nowhere near the person who was abused and attacked at every turn, but I'm okay with my heart staying open.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialI think we've all made snap judgements about others without knowing much about what they're dealing with.
My smile was so cheery & I was always helping where I could. No one in my life had a clue about the pain I never let show on the outside. Be kind.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialMy mom's anger was so explosive & unpredictable, we never knew what would upset her. What was cute on Monday may get you a slap on Tuesday. My father? A jaw always clenched. Kids in abuse grow up believing everything is their fault.
But it wasn't ever you.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialSurvivors of trauma are suffering on some level every day. When they are finally ready to share what happened with someone they feel they can trust it's such a big and brave moment.
To be misbelieved at these times is soul crushing.
Believe them.
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@mls0308.bsky.social"The body remembers what the mind forgets." - Bessel van der Kolk
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@mls0308.bsky.socialI did this for many years. I honestly believed I just had to explain "the why" to them and they'd understand & stop their hurtful ways. Wow I talked a lot.
I learned it doesn't work that way. If they're going to change they will without you saying a word.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialWorking on healing from trauma is so exhausting. Yet it doesn't happen in a vacuum. It's hard work that takes your attention away from so many things that are important to you.
It feels so hard because it is hard. Your efforts will lead to a peaceful heart.
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@henrypenner.bsky.socialThis is my story, I hope you’ll read it. @huffpost.com published August 9, 2026 #speakout #csasurvivor #resistfascism
@mls0308.bsky.social"Kids are resilient" is a myth. This is especially true where there is abuse. They see everything, & in their limited capacity learn ways to survive.
Survive.
Their chance to just be a kid is stolen. They're too busy adapting to the chaos in their lives.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialAbuse survivors believe they've done something to deserve the treatment they received. That's a lie they were likely told repeatedly.
Please remember:
"Your story isn't shameful. Their behavior is."
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@mls0308.bsky.socialIt took years until I was able to be in relationships & not feel like it was necessary to do something to be accepted or for them to stay.
I was always waiting for the other person to leave. They almost all did. Until I changed who I spent my time with.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialWhen the flashbacks & triggers became overwhelming, it required physical distance from the abusers in my life for my physical & emotional health.
It broke my heart to stay away from family events. But I can say with confidence today that it saved my life.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialIt's our instinct as humans to survive. If you've grown up in an abusive environment, you've found ways to adapt to behaviors you should have never been subjected to.
Wherever you are on the healing path, please continue. Your peace is worth the effort. 💐
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